


In Which No One Commits Suicide And No One Has Sex

by bunnybrook



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 12:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15412542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnybrook/pseuds/bunnybrook
Summary: Just a slice of life for Saïx. Title tells it all.





	In Which No One Commits Suicide And No One Has Sex

Saïx felt weightless tonight. He leaned on a rail overlooking one of the sharp, endless drops down into nothing. If he fell, he'd hit the ground when he reached the world below and his body would shatter like marble and the marble would be crushed to dust and the dust would blow away and finally there would be nothing left of him.

Really, he would just be a corpse. Better than being a Nobody.

Saïx let out a deep sigh and pulled himself back to standing. He pressed his palms onto his closed eyelids until he was seeing stars. His eyes had been aching with a deep, swollen feeling lately. They had been changing, like the rest of him. Even his vision had changed, Heartless hiding in the shadows becoming more easier to spot. He couldn't see in the dark but his awareness of Darkness had risen.

Xemnas told him, "This is the power of Kingdom Hearts. It grows stronger and the influence it has over you is growing. It's nothing to be worried or ashamed of." Of course he'd laughed at the idea of worry and shame. When Saïx had been human he would have forced a laugh despite not understanding the joke but he was too tired for needless pleasantries and etiquette now. 

When Saïx opened his eyes again, only after sighing again, he saw Xemnas walking towards him. He was still across the balcony but he was coming for Saïx and all he could do was wait through the empty silence as Xemnas approached, his feet barely touching the ground.

"Good evening, sir," Saïx said.

"What are you doing out here?" Xemnas spit back immediately.

"I... I..." Saïx didn't know. He tried again. "I was thinking."

"Thinking?" Xemnas said. He rolled his eyes and asked, like he was amusing a child, "What were you thinking about?" 

He placed his hands flat on the railing. A king and his castle. Everything about him seemed powerful, it made Saïx's head spin. He could tell Xemnas was in a good mood. The best of moods he could be in, which didn't mean much since Xemnas swung much further down than he swung up.

And he'd asked Saïx his thoughts.

"Do you want an honest answer?" Saïx asked, in some ways playing hard to get. 

Xemnas gave him a challenging look. Silently he said, 'Upset me. I dare you.' Aloud he said, "Yes."

"I was thinking about jumping," Saïx said. He had looked away from Xemnas while he said it but once the words were out he glanced back up at him. He looked like a dream, his hair reflecting moonshine and his eyes glowing through shadows. His lips looked sharp, hard like they could cut.

When Xemnas answered, it was with mock concern. "Now, why would you do that?"

"To feel something," Saïx said.

"No," Xemnas said. So that was the wrong answer.

"To make it all stop?" Saïx tried.

"I think you wanted to jump because you can be impulsive," Xemnas said. He leaned further and looked over the edge. He chuckled. "It does look like it would be fun."

Saïx didn't think that was right but he couldn't remember what he had been thinking before. He couldn't remember what he had felt, or what he hadn't felt, or if he felt at all anymore. He decided to take Xemnas's word for it.

"You're right," Saïx confessed. "I'm sorry. I need to keep my thoughts more in check."

"That's a good boy," Xemnas said. He had a hint of a smile on his lips. 

Saïx's head ached but so did the hollows of his chest. He hated himself for making Xemnas scold him, even though he hadn't known better before he should be good enough without trying. He wanted Xemnas to want him back but there was no connection in the Organization. Romance was entirely forbidden, though Saïx wasn't sure if his feeling were romantic or obsessed. He wanted to give the right answer on the first try.

The longer they stood, the more Xemnas seemed to close himself off. He leaned back and clasped his hands together in front of his stomach. He hunched over ever so slightly. Saïx tried desperately to understand what he was doing wrong. 

Then he noticed Xemnas had his jaw clenched to stop his teeth from chattering. His shoulders trembled. He was cold.

This was Saïx's chance. To make a move, to impress Xemnas. Offering his coat wouldn't work, it wouldn't fit Xemnas. He wasn't ready to go back into the Castle and he wasn't about to ask Xemnas to leave. He decided to be direct. It was an impulse, he knew, which made him hate himself for trying. But there was hope, or some wicked echo of it, that Xemnas might like it.

Saïx took his glove off and held it in his other hand. Then, he reached for Xemnas's wrist. He paused to be sure Xemnas wasn't going to summon his Blades and chop his hand off, then took Xemnas's wrist and pulled his hand away from his body. He removed Xemnas's glove and wrapped his hand around Xemnas's balled fist. His fingers were clammy. Xemnas didn't move away.

"Rather bold of you," Xemnas said.

Saïx was too scared to move in case he lost contact. Xemnas's had large, blocky palms and short, blocky fingers. His hands were strong. His skin was warming because of Saïx.

"I said," Xemnas bit. He sjook Saïx's hand off and grabbed his face by the chin. He forced Saïx to look at him. "That was rather bold of you, Saïx."

At the sound of Xemnas speaking his name, Saïx's mind went blank. He stood up straight and kissed Xemnas. And that seemed to have been what Xemnas wanted. He pulled Saïx closer and tangled his hands ins Saïx's hair. He still had a tight grip on Saïx's head and Saïx couldn't move it without Xemnas letting him. He didn't mind. Xemnas could have whatever control he wanted as long as Saïx could get his attention.

His lips were soft and dry, nothing like the stone Saïx had imagined them to be. He kissed like a landslide, fast and powerful and unstoppable. When they touched, the pain in Saïx's eyes went away. Something about a magic touch, the all encompassing healing power of passion.

They kissed long enough for Saïx to understand he wasn't to make any further moves until Xemnas prompted him. When the message was clear, Xemnas gently let Saïx's hair go cupped his cheek, pulling back to look at him. He traced over Saïx's face, first the X of the scar, then to the tip of his ear. Xemnas ran his thumb over it again and again. The gentleness made Saïx shiver in a way he didn't remember he could feel. His heart was pounding. 

"You are to not think about suicide anymore," Xemnas said. 

"Yes, sir," Saïx said.

Xemnas kissed down Saïx's jaw to his neck where he sucked lightly, teasing and wet. Saïx pulled him closer and gasped.

"I need your body alive for me," Xemnas whispered against Saïx's neck and it sounded like the most beatuiful thing he had ever said. "Always remember you body belongs to me."

Saïx nodded. He breathed, "Yes sir."

Xemnas leaned in close, so their bodies were pressed tight together and Saïx could feel Xemnas's breath on his ear.

"Does that make you hard, Saïx?" Xemnas asked. Saïx felt Xemnas's chest rumble against his, a playful nip at Saïx's earlobe. 

It was embarrassing. He was. It was throbbing between his legs and he couldn't escalate the situation, unzip their robes and pull Xemnas down to the ground with him. They were so close, couldn't he tell?

"Yes, sir," Saïx said.

Xemnas laughed at him. He pulled away while he laughed, leaving Saïx alone. Now Saïx was the one feeling a chill, the cool night ar rushing in to take Xemnas's place.

"I don't have time for that tonight," he said. "See me tomorrow. Rearrange your schedule if you need."

And then he left. Saïx watched him go.

Now what?

He started back for the castle, dazed and feeling high from the touch, even though it hadn't been enough. If Xemnas was truly trying to talk Saïx down, giving him something to look forward to tomorrow was the best thing he could have done.

Saïx put his glove back on as he walked and saw he still had Xemnas's. When he realized what that meant, he quickened his pace a bit, ready to get back to his room already. Xemnas had given him more of a gift than he would know.

Or, he knew what he was doing every step of the way.

Or, it didn't matter at all as long as his body belonged to Xemnas. He never got a say in it anyway.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Usually writing fic isn't planned it just sort of happens and because of that my fics are usually unsatisfactory and end weirdly but I'm proud of the prose in this and hopefully you'll enjoy.
> 
> There's a very hidden and vague Star Wars joke in here and I'll give you a kideny (Or other organ of your choice) if you catch it.
> 
> YES Saix is going to jerk off with the glove and YES that is something he regularly does with any clothing of Xemnas's he can get his hands on.


End file.
